Captain Cowrissa's Unfortunate Accident
by Phayte
Summary: Poor cow has a run in with the barrel of Hisoka's gun. Hints of Tsusoka


_**Disclaimer---Gah, these things are SO boring. -sigh- I don't own any of this, if u wanna sue, I have a nice collection of TY beanie babies...that's about all u'll have. But if u take them, I'll cry, I swear it! ;.;**_

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**NO ACTUALLY REAL COWS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FICTION Just pretend cows...poor pretend cows ;.;**

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_**Captain Cowrissa's Unfortunate Accident (Hisoka's Bad Day)**_

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Have you ever had one of those days where it would have been so much better for you and the rest of the world if you had never so much as opened your eyes, let alone actually got out of bed this morning? Hisoka hated today, just knew as soon as he awoke with his nose shoved into the pillow that smelled like his shampoo that today was going to be awful. And thus, he hated it. Not even Tsuzuki's uncommonly early love-for-simple-things-that-just-make-life-better attitude could cheer him. As a matter of fact, Hisoka made a mental note to remind his partner to keep his early morning jubilation to himself.

It was at the moment of waking up that the eternally sixteen-year-old would have loved to have saved the world the burden of a VERY grumpy empath by simply remaining in bed. But Tsuzuki's overly feminine skipping through the house and swooning over such a beautiful morning grated through Hisoka's mind, preventing any successful attempts at returning to sleep. Rolling over, the young shinigami elected to stay in bed, call in sick or something, but he had been foiled once again by his partner's uncanny happiness at nothing more than the fact that today was today and today happened to be a work day.

It would have been unbelievable, Tsuzuki's energy so early in the morning, except for the fact that Hisoka remembered today was payday. It would be first time in quite a while that the brown-haired shinigami would be receiving the salary that management had grudgingly agreed to return part of to him IF he showed up on time. Of course, Tsuzuki's award-winning rendition of the kicked-puppy look had nothing to do with it . . . really.

Anyway, having poured an entire cup of scalding coffee on himself, finding one last clean pair of pants to change into beneath heaps of Tsuzuki's laundry after searching for half an hour (he had no more clean shirts and was forced to wear one of Tsuzuki's smallest, yet still overly-large on him, casual shirts), losing every pen he owned, somehow ingesting Watari's latest concoction and consequently turning a lovely shade (or so Tsuzuki thought) of purple for three hours, finding every file he needed missing, and having the copy machine quite literally explode on him, Hisoka felt he was more than justified in his hatred for this day.

And thus, all the misfortune deities plaguing him throughout the day brought him here, the middle of a lush pasture practically glittering beneath rays of brilliant sunshine with not a cloud in the sky (except the one hanging over Hisoka's head that was raining) amidst cows. Lots and lots of cows. Now, Hisoka was not an animal person. Recently he had adopted a fondness for puppies, but that was logical, considering his partner. Tsuzuki, on the other hand, adored anything with fur, and a few things without, and was currently gushing over a rogue cow that had been following them since they had arrived.

"Hisokaaa! Isn't she adorable!" Tsuzuki was now hugging the cow like an over-affectionate older sister. For the cow's part, it seemed to be smirking over Tsuzuki's shoulder at Hisoka, enjoying its position at the moment perhaps a little bit too much. Hisoka bristled, his fingers twitching toward the gun nestled in its holster at his side.

"We're here for a stubborn spirit, not a stray cow!" A vein popped from Hisoka's forehead.

The cow in question gave a rather offended "MOO!" and swung its head back to hide its face in Tsuzuki's chest. The shinigami coddled it, whispering words of encouragement and assurance that it was a beautiful cow. "It's ok Captain Cowissa, 'Soka-kun's just having a bad day."

Hisoka's anger lost its composure and he choked on spit that had gotten itself lodged in his throat when he gasped. He NAMED the cow! The cow he would never see beyond this day, these couple of completely unnecessary hours they spent on this plot of land, and he named it! _That's it_ Hisoka thought _he's spent WAY too much time with that animal!_ _He wasn't even . . concerned when I choked._ The sandy-haired shinigami would have thought himself about as stupid as a wooden spoon for that thought had something not just caught his attention. His head snapped up and the gun came from its holster in one swift motion. "Don't move!"

Tsuzuki, immediately noticing Hisoka's rigid seriousness shot his head up to see what had alarmed his partner. And all he saw was the gun pointed straight at the Captain Cowrissa's head, the words he heard from his partner were "Don't moo!" which Captain Cowrissa felt the need to do at that moment.

Hisoka was not exactly sure what happened next, Tsuzuki shouted, the cow shot backward then reared up on it's back legs. The bullet caught the cow's shoulder and it tumbled to the ground mooing pitifully. Tsuzuki burst into tears and collapsed on the cow, wailing and petting it, and yelling at Hisoka the entire time. The spirit retreated and the farmer burst from the barn shooting looks in every possible direction trying to figure out what was going on.

Hisoka, cursing even more misfortune, grabbed his partner and disappeared through the wonders of teleportation before the old senile farmer could spot them. Another mission failed on the count of Tsuzuki's stupidity, and it had to be today! Honestly, he loved the man but, just, sometimes . . .

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Later on that night, having taken a hot shower, Hisoka curled up on the couch with Tsuzuki (he still complained that Hisoka did that on purpose. Hisoka's argument being Tsuzuki's stupidity and that the farmer simply had to call a veterinarian) and watched some old movie with terrible acting that the television people called a classic. After that, Kurosaki Hisoka crawled into bed ready to completely forget this day ever happened.

Before slipping into blissful sleep, one thought flashed by his mind: tomorrow was a day off, come hell, high water, or Tsuzuki's expressions, he was NOT getting out of bed.

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**A/N: Yes, this has to be the stupidest thing I've ever written! And now, I'll take a moment to tell you how this story came about:**

**In a chat site, my friend and I had been joking about a sound byte we were listening to of Hisoka. He was supposed to say something along the lines of "Don't Move", except, when all background noise and such was cut out, it came out "Don't Moo" with a cocked gun at the very beginning. Well, we figured, 'Soka-kun must be awful jealous of this cow...SOOOO, here we are o.-**

**Other than that, there's not really much to say here...**

**TTFN**


End file.
